You alone hold the key to the gateway that is your life. You, your heart and your soul lay firmly in your hands. Yet you do not understand all know this, as you are blind to the beauty and brilliance of yourself.
You hold the keys. Others may be guardians’ gateways that you choose to purvey, peruse and even spend time in. Yet it is you alone in that holds the key to your liberation, you’re wholeness and your truth.
How you wish to navigate these locks and keys is your choice alone.
Yes, you say ‘I cannot’, ‘I have this commitment’…. ‘that commitment’…. Yet these things, people and circumstances are there yet if we are creative enough and honest enough, brave enough and bold enough to be available yet strong we see there are indeed ways to figure these things out.
You are the creatirix of your own life. You are the one who breathes ‘I am well into being each morning with your brilliant body, breath and spirit’.
What is it you choose today alongside that which you ‘must’ do? Nothing fundamentally is a ‘must do’. We have a choice. When we ‘must do’ which aspect of ourselves is shouting loudest? The mother? The master? The martyr? The Victim? The perpetrator? Prostitute… the list goes on
Which aspect gets the most airtime in your life? Does it make you happy or are you existing?
I’d say that often we are simply existing. For to live truly, fully and authentically tips this status quo and how we love the status quo. I am referring here to the place and no action – no change- no growth – no wholeness, a half-life. Numbed out through technology, drugs, food, alcohol whatever your favourite numbing crutch is.
The place of a slow death. That is the status quo. A place of the average, of the fear of full expression. It is a place of judgement. Are we judge others so not peer to closely at our own half-life.
Yes this place, like treacle, sticky and oversweet, messy, old-fashioned and very stuck.
Some like this place for it is a place of comfort. To these individuals I bow and invite you wholeheartedly to fully love this place of comfort embrace it and to love your choice to be there. However, remember this: cease judging and casting critical voice and gaze over those that wish to move from this place.
Just as those that choose to dance the edge of life a little more cease to judge those that have chosen to stay in their comfort zone.
We all have choices and our own set of keys. Who are we to judge in people to choose to give their keys away to another? To lose their keys or hide them in a safe place? It is not our place to judge rescue. We can cry for the loss of their soul itself into another for that co-dependent mesh of loss of individuality, a sticky mess together. We can wail for their souls trapped in a place where ego personality holds the rains. Yet it is not our job to rescue, fix or judge. We witnessed them and continue on our own path; trusting our own choices.
Along the way some may ask the advice give it, give it freely from a heart and soul so open with nonattachment that the words are true. Be not attached to their outcome. Just as each individual is invited to take what resonates and leave the rest. Take not what is said is the Gospel either, take only that which ignites you, your heart, your soul into a place of knowing and from there make your own choice.
Choices require you to take responsibility and yet in itself this is a responsibility.
No more blame. No more blame.
Yes that includes blaming yourself, your parents, the abuser, whoever you have blamed.
To continue to blame puts us and keeps us in victim mode. Indeed, I hear you screaming ‘but it wasn’t my fault’ no indeed it wasn’t – yet bad things happen to good people. What do you choose to do with it? All of us no trauma.
I myself know the victim intimately. It has been my biggest saviour and, protector, and perpetrator in my life. It has kept me safe, nourished, protected, warm, fed and Ioved. Whilst also keeping me small, afraid, again protecting myself only envisaged persecution, failure and keeping the story that I’m not good enough, slim enough, intelligent enough, attractive enough, but I am not enough for anything for anyone to love me and so much more.
It has taken a choice, a Painful, Life altering choice that is practice the meeting today if you look at myself, reflect on how I’m being and what is playing out of my life to see who I am being.
Who am I being?
How is the victim playing out in my life? In the middle of the night I have insight to where I’m looking for approval from institutions because I felt I didn’t get approval my whole life or recognition from those I felt that mattered.
And what really does matter?
What does it matter really what another person thinks if we’re happy with ourselves?
This externalisation of approval seeking. Of love seeking. All serves to disempower us. It takes is to replace far from equilibrium to where we topple off balance into the world of another. Another thing, person, place, job, addiction.
Does this mean I don’t care? Hell no! This means I’m gaining a healthy sense of self in this strange fucked up world where everything is placed outside of ourselves rather than within.
It calls me to humbly and fully owned my own wounds so I cease projecting my gold all my pain onto another.
Do I always get it right? No! Yet I see you know more and more that the choices are made at the right ones for me and within that I make new choices. I lead with my heart, womb and brain in alignment. I can begin every moment again if I choose. I stop, breathe and apologise. I take full responsibility for my fuck ups and flaws. Yet increasingly stop myself going into the victim role about what I’ve done.
Let’s face it how many of us actually do things on purpose to hurt another all-cause harm? Very few, yes there are those that do and are in pain and very stuck in their lives often with overseen illness. No, the majority of us bumble along through life literally stumbling in the dark ‘hoping’ for a light rather than taking a torch with us to begin to light our own way.
Yes we get stuck in tunnels are so dark and foreboding we wonder if we will ever learn to escape, to free ourselves from the pain of feeling is awful and desolate. Yet emerge we do. Often the gatekeepers fit the keys you hold assists us. Sometimes we have to turn to conventional means to help us along. Yet if we’re lucky we find those to helpers like candles in these tunnels of help. Is your choice whether to accept the help as we shared our skins leaving us exposed, raw, vulnerable, afraid and alone. Always alone.
No initiation can be done with another for then it is not truly our initiation. We may share space with another yet the actual tunnel is as alone for it is our private journey into our own underworld. Like Persephone we are called to dive deep to dance with Hades and emerge once spring has come. And spring does come when we choose to do the work. It settles on our boring space flesh like a gentle salve from the Queen Bee herself that nourishing boil gently as she gently caresses your skin so broken and tired this fledgling Warrior Queen in her own right. The balance of light and dark. The honey and the sting.
The one that knows initiation and chooses it time and time again over the status quo. Yes; she knows what it is to be fully alive, engaged with the life, death, with love and herself. To be fully engaged to be fully empowered you have to make a choice. Are you ready to use your key?